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Afraid of Coming Home

from Younger and Older by Colporteur

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lyrics

The nights were long. We heard him waking up. I felt my skin crawl. The way we'd sit and hold our breath, and see what kind of mood he’s in. I turned down the show, stared past the TV screen. Why do we need to be afraid of coming home? When I asked you to kick out the man who’d been punching holes in walls and pushing you down the stairs, I didn’t think that it would be hard. I was only twelve years old. I didn’t know you cried as much as I did. Then, at fifteen, I was reading a lot of Sylvia Plath poems, staring out windows, and dwelling on gas stoves. The trail of blood reached halfway down the block. I got to miss school. When he was stabbed, I hoped to God maybe he was dead. We wouldn’t have to be afraid of coming home. When I asked you to kick out the man who kicked you so hard while you were down he fractured your arm, I didn’t think that it would be hard. I was only twelve years old. I didn’t know you cried as much as I did. Then, at eighteen, I was ready to get the fuck out of that place. I love you, but I think I needed the clean slate. When I asked you to wake up, you said “I don’t feel good.” Well, you felt bad every day for ten years. I didn’t think that lying in bed would keep you safe from that fucker’s fists. And I was right. It didn’t, did it?

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from Younger and Older, released June 30, 2015

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Colporteur Huntington Beach, California

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